UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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