when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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