Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
