where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
