singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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