cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
worst night to have a conscience
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I could fuck to npr.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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