Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i've created a new STD.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
