we have pet lesbian snakes
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
