just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
