my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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