Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
