I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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