I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
