if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my being single is dangerous.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
