she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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