I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
