I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
