It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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