I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
