im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
