Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
