Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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