I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
