The best revenge is premature balding
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
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