Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
