Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
