I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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