You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
