You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
