He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I love you.
Bad choice
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
