Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
