I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
