I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
