We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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