I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
