My cat gives me a boner
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
