I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
