I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
