Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
