He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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