Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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