This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
