I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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