So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
