i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
