I'm going to jail i love you
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
