Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
