my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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