never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't deserve a penis
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
