the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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