census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
now i know why i became what i already was.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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