Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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