upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
